booju_newju: Celebrating the Holidays of Your *Childhood* Religion...

You were raised in Religion A. Your parents were not the most devout followers of Religion A, but Religion A did have a presence in your home. (Let's say your parents didn't make the worship service in question every single week, but you went maybe one out of every three weeks, always went on holidays, and prayed together as a family a couple of times a day.) When you were in high school, you went through a period of being an extremely devout follower of Religion A. You studied your holy books in depth, you made a point of going to church every single week if possible, and you generally looked at everything you did in terms of how it would be viewed by your religion, something the rest of your family never really did.

Then, later in high school, you and Religion A had a bad breakup. Maybe you discovered another religion that did things for you that Religion A, no matter how devout you were, just didn't do. Maybe you just had a crisis of faith and decided that that part of your life needed to change. In any case, you left Religion A for Religion B and never looked back.

Your family took this very badly. They didn't throw you out of the house, but they grounded you, refused to allow you any access to the holy books (or any other educational material) about your new religion, went through your things and closely monitored your behavior to make sure that you weren't attending Religion B's worship services or going through any of the steps to formally convert to Religion B, blamed your friends for your conversion and tried to limit the time you spent with your old friends, and basically engaged in a several-years-long shouting match with you about why you need to convert back to Religion A and all of the horrible things that will happen to you if you do not.

Fast-forward twenty years. You have a very good relationship with your parents, all things considered, but you live on the other side of the country. You're still a member of Religion B, and you've got kids of your own whom you're raising in Religion B. You know that your parents say/have said some things to family friends/other members of your old religion that heavily imply that you converted back to Religion A in college, but after years of relative peace over the issue you haven't wanted to start the fight anew, so you've never said anything to them about this.

A major religious holiday of Religion A is coming up. Religion A and Religion B do not share this holiday, but there is nothing in the doctrine of Religion B that would make wrong to celebrate this holiday. Still, ever since your conversion you haven't been entirely comfortable celebrating the holidays of Religion A. It's not out of bitterness. In fact, you still have many fond memories of celebrating this holiday when you were a child. It's just that you feel that, now that you no longer believe in the faith behind it, something has been lost that cannot be regained, and in any case it seems weird to celebrate a divine being that you no longer believe in. You also try not to make a habit out of letting your children celebrate the holidays of another religion.

Your parents call you and invite you and your family over to celebrate this holiday with them. They make no mention of the fact that you are no longer a member of their faith. Knowing them as you do, you know that they will almost certainly be attending their worship service on the holiday itself. Your parents have never celebrated anything with you or expressed any interest at all sharing the religious aspect of your life with you and your children. If your children have undergone any special religious ceremonies (think of any kind of coming-of-age ritual or anything generally done to "welcome a newborn to the faith), your parents did not attend them.

Do you go? If you do go, do you attend the worship service with your parents? If you don't go, how do you explain it to your parents? Why?

Does it make any difference if...

1. There is a secular holiday just a few days later, and it is completely feasible for you and your parents for you to just wait a few days and still fly out to spend a holiday with your parents?

2. You have three or four brothers and sisters (all of whom remained in Religion A), and all of them are going to be coming out for this holiday?

3. Instead of your parents, it was your younger sibling, who was too young to have taken much of a stand for or against you when you converted, that invited you (and the rest of the family) over?

4. Religion A is the dominant religion in your country and its holidays are often widely celebrated as "secular" holidays? (e.g. Christianity/Christmas in much of the western world.)

5. Instead of converting to a new religion, you left Religion A and became an atheist or agnostic?

6. You converted in college instead of in high school?

Source: http://booju-newju.livejournal.com/2623524.html

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